The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Alteil Story Discussion

The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby JillieFoo » Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:24 pm

;a40

Here's my attempt at a fan-fic for my character. It takes place in Lavato as it is currently, though how the Iczers powers will work I'm still contemplating. I really liked how Rougeerst was described as an annoying chatter box and since my Deck is Gowen I liked the Idea of her playing a key role in the story. Hope you enjoy


CHAPTER 1


*A boy lies on the ground about 16. Blood is under him and the blood puddle grows larger and larger. The boy isn’t dead yet. Cards mark with the emblem of Refess ;a18 ;a18 ;a18 lay at his finger tips. Tears pour from his eyes, not from pain, but of severe sadness. He extends his arm and hand forward, reaching out to a bodies lying on the ground, that of a woman. Next to that body was another one of a smaller stature, that of a girl whose about 14. A man in armor walks over to the boy bleeding on the ground.*

Man: Sorry little one, you have too much potential that we can’t let you unleash.

*The man slashed the boy across the back.*
;attack
Boy: AH! ACK!

*The boy coughs up blood. The man walks over and takes the body of the little girl. The man leaves soon after that. The boy’s vision was fading. He rolls over onto his back. The sun was blocked out by an eclipse. It was a dark day in the solar kingdom. The boy’s goddess Refess had abandoned him.*

Boy: No!… Not… Don’t take Emily!… WHY!!!?… Why…

???: What’s with all the shouting? Huh, huh, huh?

*A little girl with pink hair that has a heart decoration in it, along with pink wings and a bow and arrow flies down from the sky in a hyper burst of energy.*

Image

???: Why so blue? You look like your in pain! Does it hurt? Whoa! Look at that blood! That yours?

*The girl talks at a great speed and length*

Boy: SHUT UP! Let me die in peace or somethin’! Who ar—UGH—who… are you?

*The boy coughed up more blood. His vison vanished*

???: You don’t know an Emissary when you see one! How rude! I don’t like you, I want Gowen to punish you! Oh! That’s right he’s asleep! Shhh! We don’t want to wake him, he’s resting! But I’m SOOOOOO not going to help you now, being all mean and stuff!

Boy: I- I can’t see, oh god I can’t see!

???: You can’t see? Well what’d you do that for? Now you can’t see how cute I am, and don’t refer to my master as “God” he’s Gowen, creator of Fire and Gaia! As far as you not seeing, I’ll fix that… wait… I don’t get this chance often… ONLY! If you swear alligence with creator of Fire and Gaia, Gowen! Whadda ya say?”

Boy: I can… I can live?

???: Sure! I’ll do that to! I haven’t had a Convert for awhile, Master Gowen would be happy, though I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile, One time I made dinner for him, it was his favorite and as a joke I put scorpions in it, it was HILARIOUS!… Well… Master Gowen didn’t find it as funny… still funny though, even if he did make me eat the scorpions… They taseted good though…! Oh! Back to saving you!

Boy: *Cough! Cough! Cough!* I’m—I’m not going to make it!

???: Wah, wah, wah, FINE! Can’t stand a simple conversation!

*The girls waves her hands and pink lights sprinkle down around him. His vison became clear again and felt at peace. He saw the girl and her innocent beauty. *

Boy: Beau… Beautiful…

*He gently fell asleep.*

???: Hey! Don’t go to sleep! We were supposed to talk! Awww! What a gype! You save a life and they go to sleep on you! Typical! Hmph! He’ll be lucky to see me again! Even if he did call me “beautiful”! Bye bye!

*The girl flies away up into the sky disappearing within seconds.*

-An 3 hours later-
*The boy wakes up laying on the ground, the sun was no longer blocked. He stood to his feet to see his whole village burned to the ground. He walks over to the body of the woman that laid only 10 feet from him.*

Boy: Mother… I’ll avenge you and get Emily back… From this point on I’ll no longer be Nido Hikaru of the solar kingdom, I’ll be… I’ll be… Um, what should I be

???: Must I help with everything! Here, use this name for Gowen’s sake!

*An Arrow strikes the ground next to the boy with a note attached. The boy pulls it off and reads it*

Boy: JillieFoo? That’s a crappy name

*Another arrow hits the ground*

JillieFoo: “Use the name or I’ll kill you my self! Signed Rougeerst” That’s a little harsh, but okay… Wait… Rougeerst! She’s Gowen’s emissary!… Thank you Rougeerst… And Gowen…

-10 hours later-

JillieFoo: There mother… at least you will have a grave... Why did this have to happen?

*Tears started rolling down his face, but the tears weren’t of sadness, happiness, or anything. Just tears, why they’re rolling down his face is unknown, but he has a new sense of pride, life, and a reason for living, even though everything he believed in was burned to the ground, he’s found the power to move on.*

JillieFoo: Don’t worry Emily, I’m comin’ for you!

*Mean while, where Rougeerst watches over Gowen subjects, she’s watching one person in particular.*

Rougeerst: I wonder who Emily is? A girlfriend? Sister? Huh? I wonder… He deserves to smile after what he’s been through. Happy Arrow!

*Rougeerst fires an arrow that hit JillieFoo in the back and quickly dissolved into dust. JillieFoo felt as though he was being hugged by mother earth. The image of Rougeerst popped into his head.*

JillieFoo: So… Beautiful… I must see her again…

*JillieFoo saw the cards laying on the ground. They were laying where his Refess cards were, but now all of the cards are now marked with the crest of Gowen, but the pictures were blank.*
;a40 ;a37
JillieFoo: Is this another gift from Gowen? Thank you.

*A white bird lands on JillieFoo’s shoulder*

JillieFoo: Hey buddy… You want to tag along?

*JillieFoo relizes his clothes are covered in dirt and his own blood. He found a black piece of tattered cloth and wrapped himself in it. He starts to walk the toward the kingdom of Folrart as he remembers the crest of the armored man who took Emily was the crest of Refess. ;a41 *

THUS BEGAN JILLIEFOO’S JOURENY AS A MAN IN THE WORLD OF LAVATO
"I'm weak, I've always been weak. But with these cards I'll grow stronger to protect those I love." -- Iczer JillieFoo
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby erestor » Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:35 pm

very good story. writing it as a movie script made it very easy to follow. some of the decriptions are a bit elementary but again that makes it easier to read. i like that you didnt write like Nathaniel Hawthorne does or did.
sidenote: hawthorne take ten pages to explain every detail of a room in which no one is in. just pointless writing.
famous last words: ''trust me, nothing bad will happen...''
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby JillieFoo » Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:23 pm

Thank you. My english teacher at my college made us read a bunch of his stories. they were good, but looooong

CHAPTER 2

;a40

Setting: Folrart Kingdom, night time. JillieFoo is running through an alleyway and ducks behind crates to rest. It’s been 3 days since his experience with death”

JillieFoo: *Huff Puff * Ugh! Where the hell did they come from! *Gasp * I’ve been running for an hour, those damn things don’t give up! And what good are these cards if they don’t DO anything! They’re all blank!

*All of a sudden an Animated Dead peeked around the corner looking at JillieFoo. Their eyes meet*

JillieFoo: AH! Ugly thing!

*JillieFoo leaps up and starts running, but he’s too worn out to keep running. He trips over his feet falling to the ground.*

JillieFoo: UGH! No!

*The animated dead gets closer and closer. JillieFoo holds out the cards in a panic *

JillieFoo: Rougeerst help!

*A light shines from the cards and a sword lands next to JillieFoo*

JillieFoo: A sword… THAT’S IT! I don’t even know how to use one!

*one of the cards flies out of the deck and land next to JillieFoo. The picture is no longer blank. It’s marked with the picture of a sword. The light makes the Animated dead leap back.*
Image
JillieFoo: a Magic weapon card? But I’m not any good with a sword!

The card: If the weapon is sharp enough, even a novice can kill…

*The card bursts with light and the light absorbed into the sword next to JillieFoo. JillieFoo stood to his feet as the animated dead stood there blinded by the light. He picks up the sword. It’s lighter then what JillieFoo thought. He holds the sword up high and close to his chest. He charges toward the Animated dead and pierces it abdomen.* ;attack

JillieFoo: HA!

*The animated dead dissolved. But soon after multiple Animated dead drew closer through the alleyway. JillieFoo ran with the sword and quickly dispatched them*

JillieFoo: Whoo! That was close

*All of a sudden one of the Animated dead gets back to it’s feet and attacks JillieFoo, but it drops to it’s knees and falls down before it could do anything. JillieFoo turns around to the racket behind him*

JillieFoo: Huh? WHOA! That thing got back up!?… How’d it die?

*JillieFoo looked at the body and saw an arrow in it’s back. The same kind Rougeerst uses. The Animated dead dissolved shortly after.*

JillieFoo: Rougeerst… Thanks… But I don’t know why you’re watching over me though.

*The sword stopped glowing and a card fell to the ground. The sword weighed about 50 pounds more and JillieFoo dropped to the ground making a very violent BANG sound*

JillieFoo: GAH! That thing is ridiculously heavy with out the enchantment!… Wait… How am I suppose to carry this damn thing! I can barely lift it!…… Thanks a lot Rougeerst!

*After 20 minute of dragging the sword through the ground JillieFoo’s arms got tired and could no longer drag the sword and sat down on a crate.*

JillieFoo: Why are there Animated dead here? They are governed under the Lawtia sphere of influence, why would they be in a Refess based kingdom? I mean, it is night time, but they still shouldn’t be here behind the castle walls… and why were they guarding the castle?

???: It’s not healthy to seat out in the cold at night time son.

*A man who stood at 6’2 and had a huge muscular build stood in the doorway to a house*

JillieFoo: Huh? Oh… Sorry if I was bothering you with my blabbering

???: No, not at all. Do you want to stay the night? You obviously have no money. I’ll even throw in a free meal, how bout that?

JillieFoo: Well as tempting as it is sir I—GRRRRRRRRUUUGGGRRRRHHHH…

*JillieFoo’s stomach growled fiercely*

JillieFoo: I guess I could stay for the food heh heh heh.

???: HA HA HA HA I won’t dissapoint ya!

JillieFoo: What’s your name?

???: Jake Zagar…

JillieFoo: Wait! That’s the last name of the famous hero of Folrart!

Jake: Yeah, he’s supposedly an ancestor of mine. Now come get out of that cold, you’ll catch your death.

*3 hours later *

*After dinner and some late night banter with Jake, JillieFoo decided to clean up since he was still wearing the blood soak dirt stained shirt he left his village in. Jake was nice enough not to question why his clothes were covered in blood. After JillieFoo took a bath he found new clothes on the bed of the room he was staying in. he quickly put them on. It was a black lab coat, like the one the mad scientist wore.
Image
He went into the kitchen where Jake was doing dished*

JillieFoo: Thanks for the clothes, and for being so nice about everything.

Jake: It’s not my place to judge, but you seem like a good kid so I thought you could use some help… and you remind me of my son. He was going to me a scientist, but was mugged and murdered on his way home from the academy.

JillieFoo: Thank you for putting up with me. This must be painful.

Jake: Not at all, I’ve moved on since then. You might want to get some sleep.

JillieFoo: Thanks

* JillieFoo laid on the bed looking at the ceiling and eventually fell asleep*

THUS ENDS THIS QUICK ADVENTURE OF THIS CHAPTER, WHAT WILL HE FACE TOMORROW?
"I'm weak, I've always been weak. But with these cards I'll grow stronger to protect those I love." -- Iczer JillieFoo
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby JillieFoo » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:27 pm

CHAPTER 3
;a40
Image
*The sun was shining through the window. JillieFoo stirred in his sleep as the sunlight hit his closed eyes. He slowly gets out of bed and looks for Jake. Jake was in the doorway of the house, JillieFoo caught a glimpse of two knights outside the door. They help up a wanted poster of JillieFoo and Showed Jake *

Jake: Sorry, No one here who looks like that

Knight: Ye sure?

Jake: Positive

Knight: We got an eyewitness saying you brought someone into your home who was dragging a sword and looked like this young man

Jake: Then your witness tis’ blind! No one has lived here but me since my son died because of you not protecting the citizens… And if I remember, a lot of creature of Lawtia have been behind these castle walls! How’d they get in here!

Knight: Bite your tounge! You have no right to question the knights of the solar kingdom peasent!

*The knight pulls a sword and slashes at Jake, But a CLANG is heard. Jake blocked with the knife he had used to make dinner the night before *

Knight: How!? You blocked my sword with that tiny knife!

Jake: Brute force isn’t everything! Now leave me be!

*JillieFoo had ducked back into the room as this was going on. The knights had became discouraged and embarrassed and left Jake’s residence. *

Jake: You can come out now. They’re gone.

*JillieFoo walks out from behind the wall*

JillieFoo: Thank you very much.

Jake: Eh? No problem. I thought you were hiding something, but I thought you had enough on your mind. You’re too young to be doing this kind of thing… You’re from here right?

JillieFoo:… I used to be…

Jake: Used to? What do you mean? You look like someone who hails from Folrart, and you’re way to young to be journeying by your self… I mean… You live for and believe in Refes—

JillieFoo: NO! Don’t utter her name…

Jake: You… You don’t trust the rightous goddess Refe… I mean the goddess of light?

JillieFoo: No… Not anymore

Jake: May I—May I ask why?

JillieFoo: Thanks to her, my family was killed. I can’t trust a goddess who lets her own people kill each other.

Jake: Kill each other? There hasn’t been a civil war for years! Why would Folrart do that?!

JillieFoo: I’m… I’m not sure, all I know is that the guy who killed my family was a knight of Folrart, he wore the Crest of Refess… But I’m starting to think that it was just a ruse.

Jake: A ruse eh? … Wait! You mean the Animated Dead and other Lawtia Servants behind the Castle wall?!

JillieFoo: Exactly, But I think they’re just being used for another purpose… Body guards, or bait…

Jake: So how did you escape your families fate?

JillieFoo: The Emissary of Gowen Revived me…

Jake: Rougeerst?! She did that for you? Stories say that she’s a hyperactive blabber mouth and does as she pleases, why revive you…

JillieFoo: To convert me to follow Gowen

Jake: You’re serious? That’s the only reason why she revived you?

JillieFoo: “Hey! I don’t get this chance often, I’ll help you if you follow the creator of Fire and Gaia, Master Gowen” That’s what Rougeerst told me. I vowed to follow Gowen. She even gave me Gowen cards… but only one card has a picture on it. ;a17 ;a17 ;a17 ;a17

*JillieFoo pulls out the Magic Weapon card and shows it to Jake *
Image
Jake: That’s it?

JillieFoo: Yeah, it’s what I used to kill the Animated dead chasing me. I guess Rougeerst gave me this sword and activated the card, but I don’t get why she won’t let me use them all.

Jake: To make you independent. To grow stronger. Now that you’re Gowen you have no home, no kingdom, no support from any nation. Your essentially a Mercenary now, like all Gowen followers. I say you should get out of here, You’re too weak to get your revenge right now… Go to the west to find Mercenaries like your self, train and grow stronger, gain allies, and THEN comeback.

JillieFoo: I CAN’T! They kidnapped my sister!

Jake(His expression is one of anger): Cry me a RIVER pal! If that’s the case, it’s better for you to train tand save her later or die now trying to save her! Let me show you what happens when you rush for revenge. LOOK AT IT!

*JillieFoo Staggered back, the sword fell and clanged with the impact of the ground. JillieFoo’s eye’s were in shock as he stared at Jake*

Jake: I have now right hand… It’s mechanical… Do you see my blind fold, It’s covring my face because I have one eye. My body is so brutally torn that I need this cane to walk properly!

JillieFoo: Did… Did that happen because you wanted revenge for your son?

Jake: Yeah… It ruined my life. I spend most of my days feeding birds and staring at that lying sun. It rise everyday spreading light… But that doesn’t wash away the sins. I continue to believe in Refess… Because it’s all I have. It wasn’t her fault, it was humanities fault.

JillieFoo: I’m- - I’m sorry… I’ll… I’ll leave tonight

Jake: For castle Folrart?

JillieFoo: No, the west. If I want to see Emily’s smile I’ll have to save her without dying… Right?

*Jake smiles and pats JillieFoo on the back, but eventually gave him a hug. *

Jake: You’re truly like my son… Maybe it was fate for us to meet like this

JillieFoo: I’m glad we met… I won’t let you down…

*Later that night *
*Cut to JillieFoo climbing down the castle wall with his sword on his back and a bag of supplies. He lands on the ground*

JillieFoo: Okay… Compass
*JillieFoo Scrambles through the bag for a compass Jake gave him *
JillieFoo: Okay… It’s….. This way!
*JillieFoo starts to walk west. Animated dead come out of the ground facing JillieFoo. JillieFoo Pulls out the sword and the Magic Sword card. The card lite up the sword and JillieFoo held the sword in an attack position*
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JillieFoo: Let me say this to start! I’m weak, but with these cards I’ll cut down those in my way!

*JillieFoo Dashes forward and pulls back the sword a swings it *

*Fade to black *

IT’S NOT OVER YET! IT’S ONLY CHAPTER THREE! I’LL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON.
"I'm weak, I've always been weak. But with these cards I'll grow stronger to protect those I love." -- Iczer JillieFoo
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby JillieFoo » Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:57 pm

CHAPTER 4
;a40

Day 28. JillieFoo is wondering through a desert, staggering and thirsty. He pushes on, but the wind picks up as a sandstorm blows sand into his eyes. He falls to the ground putting his hands to his face as the sand scratches the surface of his eyes. The sand blowing feircly started to bury JillieFoo. Deeper and deeper until only his hand could been seen on the surface. The sand storm stopped.JillieFoo’s eyes are buring from the pain, he has sand in his mouth making it impossible to breathe. He could feel his life slowly slipping away. JillieFoo loses conciousness. In the distance a person walking across the sea of sand sees the hand sticking out of the ground. The person digs and digs and pulls JillieFoo out of the sand.

3 days later

JillieFoo: wh—where am I? I—I can’t see… There are bandages on my face…

JillieFoo sits up. He still can’t see and feels that he is laying on a soft surface. He assumes that it’s a bed he is on. He can feel the multiple lacerations caused by the strong and storm were also covered in bandages.

JillieFoo: Well, it’s obvious I was saved… But who saved me…

JillieFoo reaches up to remove the bandage from his eyes until someone came into the room

???: No, no, no! Leave it on, they’re in bad condition, and you need to rest dear.

It was the voice of a female. She sounded rather young and her voice was very soothing.

JillieFoo: Who are you?

???: Just a person who helped someone in trouble

JillieFoo: what should I call you. I can’t call you “Lady” all the time.

???: I see… Just call me “K”

JillieFoo: okay, “K” it is!

K: I’ve caught dinner already, It’ll be done soon.

JillieFoo: What are we having?

K: Fish!

JillieFoo like the sound of K’s voice, but he was weary of her since he couldn’t see her, yet he was anticipating when he can remove his bandages and see what she looks like. The spent a good day together and ate dinner. After dinner K sturnly made sure JillieFoo got some rest. JillieFoo couldn’t wait for the next day

CHAPTER 5 COMING SOON!
"I'm weak, I've always been weak. But with these cards I'll grow stronger to protect those I love." -- Iczer JillieFoo
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby JillieFoo » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:33 pm

I'll add pics of the cards later

CHAPTER 5

;a40

JillieFoo was shocked awake by a booming sound and roars of a creature. Still blindfolded he stumbled his way through the house in a panic. He triped over a table hitting the floor hard, K’s voice suddenly reached JillieFoo’s ears.

K: JillieFoo! We’ve got to get out of here!

She helped him up and apparently took him outside because he could feel the wind blowing gently acrossed his face, but it was shortly followed by extreme heat warming his skin. It felt very close.

K: AAAAH!

K let out a scared shriek as her hands left JillieFoo arm. He falls to the ground and his blindfold fell off. He could see, but it was blurry. As his eyes adjusted he saw a figure lying on the ground near him and a Firestorm Wyvern setting fire to the house that JillieFoo assumed was K’s. JillieFoo ran over to the hooded person on the ground.

JillieFoo: K! Are you okay!

He turns the person around to see their face. It was the face of a beautiful woman. He removed her hood. It revealed two cat ears.

JillieFoo: K! Wake up!

Her pulse was gone. JillieFoo became enveloped in rage

JillieFoo: K!... Why must things always end this way!

JillieFoo Pulls out his deck and unsheathed his sword and pulled out the Magic weapon card, but then the card withdrew and a blank card flew out and landed next to K. K was enveloped in light and dissappeared. Then the blank card had a picture. The picture was off the great Belly Dance/Kurina. The card shined and Kurina appeared before JillieFoo.

Kurina: Stand back JillieFoo! I’ll take him!

JillieFoo: What!? K! You’re Kurina?

Kurina: Not THE Kurina. I am a decendant of her though. I’ll handle this Wyvern!

JillieFoo looks at Kurina’s card and see’s her attack and hp. Then all of a sudden JillieFoo’s eye glazed over white and he could see the attack, HP, defense, and agility of the Firestorm Wyvern.

JillieFoo: Kurina! You can’t beat it, you’re too weak!

Kurina: Sorry, but I must protect you.

Kurina runs and leaps onto the Wyvern. She tries to scratch it with her claws. It hurt the Wyvern, but did minimal damage. The Wyvern swung its massive arms and slamed Kurina into the ground, The HP on her card hit zero.

JillieFoo: K! No!

An Arrow hit the ground next to JillieFoo, An arrow from Rougeerst’s bow, which had a message

The message read “Don’t give up! She’s a cat; I bet she has atleast one more live left.”

JillieFoo: Huh?

The card of Kurina Lit up and her HP was restored. She leaped to her feet.

Kurina: That hurt you ugly lizard!

She leaps and lands on the Wyverns head and scratches its left eye out. She flips off and lands gracefully. The Wyvern was still living, but its aura was weak. The Wyvern got ready to attack, but another arrow from Rougeerst out of no where was shot into the Wyverns left eye socket making it roar in pain. JillieFoo’s Magic Weapon card Started to glow again. JillieFoo’s sword flew from his hand into Kurina’s and the Magic weapon card activated.

Kurina: I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.

Kurina runs and leaps with the sword over her head. Power radiated from the sword. She started to bring the sword downward torward the Wyverns head, but the Wyvern moved and Kurina slashed off its right arm. The Firestorm Wyvern roared in pain as it lifted off the ground and flew away. Kurina landed on all fours as she dropped the sword and then quickly flipped to her feet holding her hand out to JillieFoo.

Kurina: Fun huh?

JillieFoo grabs her hand

JillieFoo: Yeah!

Kurina then pulled JillieFoo closer to her and hugs him as she licks his face.

JillieFoo: Gah! What are you doing!?

Kurina: This if how my kind show our affection.

JillieFoo: Okay, but give me a warning next time!... So what’s next Kurina?

Kurina: Enough of this Kurina stuff, Call me “K” like when we first met. Just cause you know who I really am doesn’t change the fact that were friends!

JillieFoo: Alright K… What’s next?

K pulls her cloak back on and pulls the hood over her head.

K: Don’t know, but I knew from the moment I saw you that I was meant to follow you. So where ever you go I’ll go.

JillieFoo looks in the direction of the flying Wyvern they had fought

JillieFoo: We need to go there… I know it; we’ll find what we need there.

K: Okay Master!

JillieFoo: Master? Isn’t that a bit much?

K: My kind calls all the males we follow “Master”. It’s just what I’m used to.

JillieFoo: okay, I’ll try to get used to it.

JillieFoo and K start to walk to their destination as the sunsets. K follows closely behind JillieFoo like a loyal pet. JillieFoo sheathes his sword. K rips some cloth from her cloak and ties it around JillieFoo’s eyes.

JillieFoo: How am I supposed to get there if I can’t see?

K: I’ll lead you. You need to protect your eye’s. The eyes of an Iczer are very important. They see things regular people cannot. So believe in me and I’ll lead you to safety.

JillieFoo: Okay… I’ll trust you.

The continue to walk off into the sunset

CHAPTER 6 COMING SOON!
"I'm weak, I've always been weak. But with these cards I'll grow stronger to protect those I love." -- Iczer JillieFoo
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby JillieFoo » Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:27 am

Okay. Chapter 6 is finally here. this is probably the longest chapter yet. I'm trying to put my own spin on how some Iczer powers may work in this chapter.

PS: Some feedback would be much appreciated. Criticism is also appreciated, but please present it in a mature and respectful manner. I can't tell you how many times I get comments like "This sucks" or "This is gay" on other sites I post stories on. I'm not a professional writer or anything, but getting feedback really helps me develop my stories more.

;a40

------------------------------------
CHAPTER 6

After 5 days of travel, Two figures walk through a forest. The pair is of our hero, JillieFoo who is still blindfolded, and his new companion K, who is a decendant of the Belly dancer Kurina. They’re traveling in the direction the injured Firestorm Wyvern escaped to. They walk out into a clearing. Not far from the clearing was a gate blocking the way.

JillieFoo: huh? Why did we stop?

K: Deadend, there is a gate blocking the way Master.

JillieFoo: Well I’m sure if we call out to the people on the other side they will gladly unlock it.

K: I’m not so sure Master

JillieFoo: Why?

K: They have surrounded us…. And they have weapons.

JillieFoo slowly takes off his blindfold so not to startled the people surrounding them. He looked around and saw that they wore outfits of monks.

JillieFoo: We don’t want any trouble. Were just looking for a Wyvern that flew this way

Monk1: Yeah, that Wyvern was here. It burned our crops! You should know that when the soar above, they burn everything to the ground!

Monk2: Did it come hear because of you!

JillieFoo: Umm… Uhh maybe?

One of the monks tries to grab JillieFoo’s arm, but K swiped his hand with her claw making him jump back.

Monk1: Gah! What are you!

K lowers her hood to reveal her ears.

K: You don’t touch the Master!

JillieFoo unsheathes his sword and activates Magic Weapon

JillieFoo: I don’t want to fight! Is there a way we can avoid the fighting?

Monk1: you’re an Iczer!?

The monks wisper among themselves until one walks toward them

Monk1: I think you’re the one we’ve been waiting for.

The monks took JillieFoo and K into their monestarie. They take JillieFoo anf K to their quarters.

Monk1: We’ll serve dinner soon. Well sound the bell when it’s ready

The monk soon leaves

JillieFoo: So are we prisoners?

K: I don’t think so, the doors unlocked.

JillieFoo: I guess they’ll tell us what they want when their ready.

2 hours go by. They here a bell ring.

JillieFoo: Guess it’s dinner time.

Shortly after that statement screams and shouting could be heard. The bell continued to ring and a roar can be heard.

K: Somethings wrong!

They quickly rush out seeing a guy ringing the bell. He was alerting everyone of the Wyvern that has comeback to the monestary.

JillieFoo: It’s back! Look, it’s eye is missing. That’s they Wyvern that attacked us!

K: I guess it’s going from place to place feeding on whoever it can find.

JillieFoo and K saw the Monestaries master lying on the ground blood spilling from him.

JillieFoo: NO!

They run over to him. He reaches out to JillieFoo. JillieFoo grabs his hand. In his hand were prayer beads.

Master: T-take them… They will… They will allow you to use the power of our ancestors. The power of the Combat Monks… Use it to stop the Wyvern, A-and… Protect… My brothers…

His hand went limp and his head fell to the ground. JillieFoo’s hand tightened around the beads in rage.

K: Calm down. I’ll handle this. I’ve done it before.

JillieFoo: No… I’ll do it. I’LL USE THE POWER OF THE MONKS!!!

Another card shined from the deck and started to float in mid air. The picture had the picture of the combat monk. It shined bright and it’s light consumed JillieFoo. He raised into the air. The spectical drew attention by everyone including the Wyvern. When JillieFoo landed on the ground the light dispersed in a flash reavealing a figure in a cloak. The figure tosses the cloak off to reveal a person, about JillieFoo’s height. The person was wearing a strange blindfold over his eyes that covered most of his face except his nose and mouth. His hair was red and pulled back. He’s wearing the outfit of the monks, except he wears a vest that indicated he’s that of a combat monk.

???: Wyvern! You should keep in mind where you are and what you’re up against, because this is going to be one helluva fight.

K: Where is Master?

???: Sorry K, He is here, but he also isn’t here. I, Takumi 1st class Combat Monk, am conveying my power through his body.

K: Be careful Master!

Takumi: No problem!

Takumi leaps up and kicks the Wyvern in the head. the impact of the kick was enough to knock the Wyvern back from the monks and the remaining crops.

Takumi: I’m really pissed! The master of this Monestary was my son, once upon a time.

K: ? huh ? um… I thought monks aren’t allowed to um… DO that kind of stuff.

Takumi: … yes that is true, but even so, it’s hard to resist the urge when you meet someone who is your “one and only” someone…

K: So sweet! Forbidden love!

Takumi turned red and chuckled in embaressment.

Takumi: heh, yeah well…

The Wyvern slammed him to the ground

Takumi: GACK!!! Dammit! *Cough*

K: MASTER!!!

K, In anger through off her cloak revealing her dancers outfit, cat tail, and ears. She leaps onto the Wyvern’s are and digs her claws into it’s scales. It roars in pain as it whips her to the ground.

K: Ugh! M-master… I failed you!

Another card flies out of the deck and brings Takumi back to his feet.

Takumi: There good as new

Then another card falls out and revives K.

Takumi: Come one sweet heart. We’ll finish this together.

Takumi grabs K’s hand and pulls her close into his arms.

Takumi: Let’s rock baby!

K: Your quite the womanizer for a monk.

Takumi: Focus!

Takumi and K run with the hands together. As they get closer to the Wyvern it attempts to smash them, They leap apart and run up it’s arm. It try to swat them off, but Takumi leaps further up the arm, and K leaps onto the other arm. The run up to it’s shoulder and Takumi leaps and unleashes a huge kick to it’s head. K them leaps and slashes it across the face. The Wyvern staggers for a bit, but then it starts to fall backward. Takumi and K leap down before it hits the hits the ground.

Takumi: Whoo that was close!...

K: What’s wrong?

Takumi then looks over to his son laying on the ground. It struck him with great sadness. He walked over to his body and kneeled down into the puddle of blood surrounding the body.

Takumi: I’m sorry son… I died two years after your birth… I bet you became a monk to get closer to your father, but I never intended for this. You should’ve forgotten about me. Hell, I wasn’t supposed to be a father… I-I’m sorry son… I… I hope you had a good life.

A few tear rolled from his eyes as K put her hand on his shoulder.

K: Sorry, but… I need the Master back.

Takumi: Ah, yes. Sorry, I just never expected to see my son, especially dead.

Takumi stopped and light flashed and JillieFoo was back.

K: MASTER!!! YAY!!!

K ran over and licked him on the face

JillieFoo: BLEH! I tolds you not to do that!

K: Heh sorry! I’m just so happy! Master is getting stronger and stronger!

JillieFoo: yeah. I guess our journey west will give me the power to get Emily back.

Shortly afterward a small roar is heard, then that roar tunrs into a cry of pain. It’s the Wyvern. It’s not dead, but horribly wounded. Missing the one eye K goughed out, scratch marks all over its body and across its face. The picture of a truly pathetic creature.

JillieFoo: How sad…

Monk: SAD! It practically destroyed the monestary!

JillieFoo: It’s no greater or less then us! It was just trying to live. But it did harm quite a few people in the process.

JillieFoo puts his hand on the Wyvern and patted it.

JillieFoo: It’s okay… You’ll be okay.

The Wyvern closed it’s eyes.

JillieFoo: I wish this could’ve been avoided… Huh?

A card flies from the deck and covers the Wyvern in light. The picture changes from blank to the picture of the Wyvern. The Wyvern Stands up, it’s wounds healed, but the scars still visable. It roars and spreads it’s wings.

JillieFoo: Yes! Welcome to your new life! We’ll keep you company… Hey K?

K: Yes master?

JillieFoo: I think we’ve found our ride west… That is, do you mind us rideing you Wyvern?

The Wyvern lowers its head. JillieFoo and K climb up on to the Wyverns back.

JillieFoo: Monks, I have to leave, but I promise to bring help to rebuild the monestary when I find out a way to rescue my sister. Cya then!

The Wyvern starts to move its wings cause wind to blow fearicely. They lift off the ground and the Wyvern takes off at a high speed and JillieFoo once again continues west.

JILLIEFOO HAS OBTAINED NEW POWERS AND A NEW ALLY. JILLIEFOO IS FAST ON HIS WAY TO THE WEST TO FIND HIS DESTINY.

CHAPTER 7 COMING SOON!!!
"I'm weak, I've always been weak. But with these cards I'll grow stronger to protect those I love." -- Iczer JillieFoo
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Re: The weakling who gained power - Iczer JillieFoo

Postby reddwood » Sun Oct 12, 2008 1:47 pm

very long but im sure its probably good
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